Cleaning Oneself

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

What If

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Man's Best Friend

Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you.

Dog Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine. If it's in my mouth, it's mine. If I can take it from you, it's mine. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. If it's broken, it's yours.

Framed Advice

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

Humor Armor

A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.

Liars

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Second, Cent

man : God, How long is a million years to you?
God : a second
man : How much is a $1M to you?
God : a cent
man : Can I borrow a cent?
God : wait a sec...